“And now for something completely different”

I need a social media person. I need a person to keep all this cross-platform, blogging, tweeting, and twerking straight, and I need one Code-Three, (that’s “stat” for all you Grey’s Anatomy fans). Until this whole book publishing thing, I was your typical FB user, “just using it to stay in touch with old friends” which is the standard throw-away answer for all baby boomers. But in reality, I was embarking on a daily, ritualized masochistic session one FB posting at a time. It’s like death by a hundred cuts (it’s only a hundred so you’ll suffer longer). If you’re honest you know what I mean and you know those postings: There’s what I’m having for lunch posters,” the “sky is falling” posters (btw it may actually be falling, but more on that another time), everything is a conspiracy posters and my favorite, look I’m on vacation (and you’re not) posters. These probably do my damage to my delicate psyche than any other. My daughter has diagnosed me as suffering from stage three FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). But I think I’m just tired, just like Lilli Von Stupp. Tired of working, tired of not working, tired of traffic (there is none here) tired of Starbucks (who isn’t?), and most of all tired of depressing news. I’m just plain tired.

So now my publisher and agent tell me I have to post on social media all the time, I have to blog, I have to tweet, I have to Instagram and now I’m hearing have to TikTok and a little Youtube wouldn’t hurt either.  So, I need a social media expert. Someone who can type with both thumbs (how do they do that???) and can suffer through my ignorance. I need a social media consultant code three, at least until I’m code four.